my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
