so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
