apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
