so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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