Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
