the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
