I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
