another moral hangover. fuck.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
