I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
