Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
