I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
