my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
