and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
