Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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