I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
