my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
