Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
