some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
