so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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