mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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