this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
