he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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