the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
