Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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