did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
