I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
