So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
