my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
