I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
