Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
