how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
