Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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