you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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