The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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