If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
