that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
