oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
