I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
