She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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