omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
