would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sarcasm needs its own font
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's always time for handjobs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
