Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
