Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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