I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
