i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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