so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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