So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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