physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
