Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
