ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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