i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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