i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
