I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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