Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
