Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
