I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
