she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
