I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
