So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
