I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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